Underneath my smile!! underneath that smile and those loud social media posts a sad girl is buried deep under the rubble of lies.Lies that comfort you and those around you for lies are comforting than confronting the bitter truth!!
July I decided to attend therapy because ohh well I thought I needed it and oh boy did I not hate sitting in that chair talking the TRUTH about me,I mean hated how I had to strip myself naked and had no snapchat filter to save me or turn my sad voice into a cats or babies cute voice,I had to be honest I mean we don’t pay to go lie there!! I said my truth over and over again, different days,different outfits,pretty ones at that but still couldn’t help me hide my truth from this professional ,I mean why tell me to start over again and say this time “lets stick to the truth” well I am in my pink jersey that gives me a glow when I say i’m happy TAKE IT!! ohh well she didn’t and a few sessions later she said you have depression and going to advise you to start being on ANTIDEPRESSANTS!!! yupp ANTIDEPRESSANTS I was shocked in denial and just said Noma no you cannot go down that route I mean you were trying to help a family member to be better and get out of that road how did you get here???
This was hard for me I mean because I was starting to believe I was happy yes I was starting to believe to my own lies, and when the doctor said you need to take medication I just was shocked. So I got my first pack of pills and NO I didn’t even take one,I threw them where the sun doesn’t shine because NO way was I going to live on pills I mean I CANT’even swallow a pill! I haven’t went back to therapy because I think I am doing well,maybe I am lying to myself but yess I chose to deny what a professional was saying to me.
June/July was that deal with your own health months dear MEDICAL student, went to a doctor because I was in pain,excruciating pain then me and my doctor found out there’s a problem with my uterus, and we tried all possible ways of fixing the problem,went to 4 different doctors AND it all led to one result, GIRL you have to have an hysterectomy!! Hysterectomy is the removal of the uterus, and the first thing that came to my head is all my dreams of matching outfits with my offspring, I mean in my head I already had planned my level of drama that I will unleash to whoever who was going to be the lucky dad!! My health has just be shattering I mean I secretly traveled to Mpumalanga to go try another specialist and yess same results!!! now am I going to also not listen to what 5 different professionals?? according to my appointments with the doctor sometime during the festive season I am doing what’s right but in my HEART!! confusion on 100!!
This is Nomalanga Mazibuko ,trying to get back to writing ,look out for more!! Next post I will talk all about my faith,my spiritual journey and link it to all of the above
Well Well after 17 whole years of my life of just having serious crushes for celebrities bamm 18th Year of my existence I really develop a crush for someone I have access to 😂😂 Someone I can actually touch and speak to!!!
This crush situation was very complex because he was not just another guy!!! He just knew a lotttt of people that I know😂😂 and that know a whole lot about him! Anyway you know what I did the first person I actually confessed this to is Bella, My special friend who always wanted to come up with ideas on how to help me gettt My ETERNAL CRUSH!!! I think I tried all Bellaaa’s Method no not All because other methods could have gotten me killed 😂😂! Anyway Mr X was always around made things really hard for me because just made this feeling grow, grow and Grow!!!
I honestly want to tell how things are now 😂 is he still my crush, does MR X still exist and is he already mine??? 😂 Tell me what you think on those Comments then will finish up the story and share a proper picture 😂😂😂
Who Is that?? Well for those who don’t know that’s my facebook name Dr Unicorn is Tammy Candice on Facebook has been for the past 5 years and I think it’s time I bid farewell to The one and Only Tammy Candice☺️
AM I deleting Facebook Helll to the Noo i’m not deleting facebook because it is so sentimental to me Yes it means a lot😂😂 anyway why and what inspired to call myself TAMMY CANDICE, Well Tammy is my second name yupp even on my ID and I used it to make it hard for people to find me on Facebook because they always search using my first name😂😂SHAME!! so No friends from my Hood or primary is familiar with the TAMMY NAME!
Candice well No that’s not my name😂 not on my ID, Year 2014 I was a huge Phineas and Ferb FAN and well my Little brother one day compared me to Candice actually Find out later on she’s actually CANDACE😭😭😭😂and I just couldn’t change it had already been there for two weeks and I’m the only one who knew so I just let it be! My little brother said Me and her are the same I was always the one to tell my parents Everytime my little brother messed up😂😂Yes me a Whole snitch!!
I don’t want to lie it has been fun being Tammy Candice, having to correct the way people pronounce Tammy LOL sheeshh that was hard, I think it’s time I used my full names!! It’s time I actually Drop Candice 😂and delete some of my posts I mean I was 15 when I joined Facebook!! So can imagine all that I posted 😂😂
When I took a decision to leave my favourite university in Joburg and head to Durban all I was honestly thinking about is the Beach😅 Little did I know i wasn’t going to be opposite or wake up to its cler view everyday 🌚Total BUMMER!!!!
This Place has been nothing but just another place, not as blissful as I thought it will be 😂 but the people of Durban are everything the spirit of Ubuntu lures everywhere around this place “Sawubona” is so common it amazes me it takes a great deal to get that from most people in Joburg 😂 I mean it takes eye contact, people hear it’s not that Deep as long as I pass you by I have to greet you!!!
Joburgers will never admit to the fact that WE don’t belong in Joburg we all have homesteads well people here are so proud to say this is just a city we chose to occupy and Hustle in!!! “WE DIDN’T COME HERE TO PLAY MANA we came to work here” ohhh Mana is another word for Girl😅 slowly adapting, Talking about Adapting sorrry to all the drivers I have ever cursed or complained about their driving back home, You people actually doing a Good Job!!! I pray and say all 10 commandments when riding a taxi here *JASAON ON FAST AND FURIOUS* Durban has Maniac Drivers.
It has only been two months will still give an update about Durban hmm should probably visit EYadini and really see what goes down there will I be allowed in??? 😂 😂 OHH I also found out today that most taxi drivers this side are UKZN STUDENTS *THAT’S WHY THEY CALM*
One thing we never want to talk about or admit to is that one of our loved ones is going through the most and is mentally ill! We are all so ashamed to raise or talk about this issue especially in Black communities because we still treating it as a “taboo”.
Today I write about this not to expose or make fun of my mother who is currently battling mental illness and I am so not doing this for a pity party!! Mother is the strongest person I know on this earth and everything she got dealt with she was always able to handle it, well we all thought so!!
The strongest person that everyone bombarded with their problems showed cracks, cracks that could have cost her, her life!! We only realised mom had a problem when she took drastic measures to me in my head was A CRY FOR HELP!! People are walking around acting all normal while battling a whole lot!!
Drastic measures mom took were not easy to deal with or understand but if she hadn’t done that would we have realised she needed help??? No I don’t think so and I’m glad she’s in hospital fighting this illness❤️. To you who will read this today signs of mental illness don’t only involve going around garbage cans looking for dirt or not bathing and talking to yourself, they are not obvious, so I urge you to check up on your loved ones everyday!!! Even the strong ones have a breaking point and depression does lead to MENTAL ILLNESS!
LET’S STOP TAKING PEOPLE’S DEPRESSIONS AS A JOKE!! BE THERE WHEN SOMEONE CRIES OUT FOR HELP!!! THEY ARE NOT SEEKING ATTENTION!!!
“Tell Cersei it was me” olenna Tyrell one of my favourite characters in GOT ohhh i’m writing this inside a taxi going back to Res 😂 and all that’s in my head is GAME OF THRONES!!!!
REMEMBER when there was a picture that went “I have never seen even 1 episode of GOT” I used to share like crazyyy because I had never seen Game of thrones 😭 now that I think about it I was part of the people who just don’t love Great shows with great productions and all was in Dooms land😂😂😂
Now Now i’m in heaven if I must say 🤣where Game of thrones is the milk and honey, GOT is one great series and your Girl here went from not knowing even one episode to ALL SEVEN SEASONS MASTER😂😂 I can tell it all about that Series!! One thing I don’t appreciate about it though is the fact that I can’t watch it with my mom because wow GOT contains a lot of SEXUAL SCENES so never ever watch that with an elder or an uptight Sibling!!!
Another tip if you emotional and usually cry when watching a movie uhmm get a lot of tissue darling because even our favourits die on this series😭😭 George Martin kills characters like flies!!!! He better keep my Jon snow forever though *Btw he once died but got resurrected*😂 😂
Game of thrones is one great Series, and No its not some Disney series like show nooo *Dear friend who said that to me i’m still hurt*😂 ohhh please listen when watching GOT otherwise you won’t understand it!!
Each season has 10 episodes hmm bet you saying small stuff right 😂😂When Binge watching you don’t even make it to episode six Longgg episodes 🤣❤️❤️
Just wanted to tell you I LOVE GAME OF THRONES👑 ohh Thank💋💕
DR UNICORN and exaggeration same WhatsApp group😂!! Firstly uhmm don’t think they my BFFS, secondly it was for a few months not the whole entire year😂 Anyway your girl started hanging around Djs *My brothers* by the way see *Not my bffs* and boyyy it wass epic!!!
So last around August my brothers started being open to the idea of hanging around with me, Yup lucky me 😂 my brothers introduced me to this certain place which I now call home because they never DEMAND MY ID at the door😊 and during that time I started to understand all the shenanigans that go down when the kids are in bed!!!!
Come let me tell you!! Things happen at night😅 I mean we see people fathers in those places 😂😂 and your wannabe slay queens!!! Yass I said WANNABE but most importantly I got to value and love music 😭😭😭 My love for music now is totally different I have been hanging around people who are so passionate about sound it rubbed off on me!!! I now listen to music purposefully *if that makes sense* because wow guys I got to seee how Djs actually work and sweat behind the booth to deliver a message to Intoxicated people!!
So if you going to read this please start Respecting Djs😊😊 and SORRY I didn’t really dish out all about what happens at night, uhmm I think you should discover that for yourself!!! I miss the YEBOO shouting and endless Voshos😭😭guysss ebumnandini kumnandi ngempela😂😂😂
Do you know the pain of missing out on a field trip or movie that everyone one has seen or went to!!!? YUPPP you know we all been through that😂 anyway I felt that kind of pain Everytime my friends, all other girls talked about their TIME OF THE MONTH!!
Break time, free period time that topic just always seemed to come up and all the how irritating menstruation is, how moody they become, and how some sex drive always seemed to hit the roof during that time was dished out!!! All on the table Mama!!! POOR me would just sit smile a retard and have nothing to say because oopss your girl wasn’t going through that!! 😂
It’s time my girls know Everytime they said “ohhh you lucky girl, I wish I was you” I honestly just wanted to say Shut the F up I also want to go through that😂😂 Helloo also want something to complain about, I also want to be moody!!! Most importantly I want to hide my PAD from the boys, seemed really fun to do🙄
Well some light at the end of the tunnel Girl finally got her turn😜 I got to also have a say and shop for my favourite Pad brand!!! Bummer is This girl don’t get moody, don’t know about the sex drive 😂😂 *NOT THERE YET* my pain is minor my NIPPLES just Hurt!!! I only hate my period when I have to sleep because wow this I was never told *It’s A MISSION* uncomfortable 😂 that’s why I don’t do sleepovers during that time.
Ohh you wondering 😅 had my period some time after grade 11!!! some time late in my matric year!!! Period boobs are the BOMB 💣 beauty I tell you😍😍😍
Famous bride!?? Who that??? You ask the famous bride called DEATH knocked on my door. I honestly never understood the wailing, days of seeing a picture of one person on my phone with different unpleasant emojis *😭💔* what i’m saying is I didn’t understand why people got all heartbroken over someone who is going to rest!
The famous bride decided to visit my door, decided to hit me when I least expected and took a whole pillar away from me! The day I lost my father was when I finally understood the WAILING, the “Resting” totally disappeared I think my whole body froze and yesss I screamed my lungs out!!!!
The Bride came at a time when I needed that man the most with his imperfections and dozens of mistake I still saw a Hero! Thank God I can now think of our memories and not shed a tear HONEY i’m strong now.
To the famous bride do know though you took away that man and left a lot of empty hearts and one dysfunctional family!!!! You took the main part of the puzzle and now we struggling to piece it together!! Lord I pray for my family!!
😂 I CANNOT believe I now have every full right to say the above words and not stutter!!! I remember when “times were hard” when I couldn’t even utter the B for Beautiful, I couldn’t even look people in the eye because I was told for couple of times of my revolting “Ugliness”
Primary school was the worst for me, emotionally I went through a lot my tooth breaking into half didn’t make things any better!! I made things bearable by staying on top of my studies and joining the book club and being the English teachers favourite otherwise that place was a hell hole!!! *had good friends who didn’t make me feel any less beautiful* among them I made myself feel ugly always wanted to compare my skin to Amandas ohh Beautiful dark Girl😭😍 on other days just wanted to look like Lerato be Snow-white and Hairy ohh I can count all my friends that I constantly compared and hated myself even more!!
In God and I trust in High school I met a friend Smanga famous, attention always on him so being by his side I had to put up a facade and act all Confident and happy, *reason I left Nosicelo and Sefu* they got all the attention from the boys and well me none 😂😂 adolescent me broke down over that!!! But with Smanga things were a bit easy and this facade turned into reality!!! Yasss your Girl finally wore the confidence and it has been a pleasure it oozes all over me!!! I can fully say *Ndimhle (beautiful) *!